iPhone iPhud

Scoble lives a rich fantasy life.

The Macalope’s not sure why he’s bothering with this, but Robert Scoble links favorably to a list of supposed items that are wrong with the iPhone and then adds his own items.

If the Macalope may respond…

  1. “How do you operate your phone under a table at a meeting”? This is exactly why Apple’s design is better than Microsoft’s. The five jackasses who need to do that — instead of paying attention to the meeting — can keep stroking their Blackberrys under the table.
  2. A closed system is disappointing, but it does have the advantage of more tightly controlling the user experience (well, at least one could argue that) and may have been a cost of getting the Cingular deal done (not that anyone’s doing handsprings over that). So this point has some merit.
  3. Cingular-only in the U.S. is a drawback but, hey, you wan’ an iPhone or not? Eh? Apple ain’t got all day, buddy. Got decisions to make. Time’s a-wastin’.
  4. Ah, it’s vaporware. Yes, it’s nice that no other company in the industry announces products before they’re ready to ship. Cough. Like one Scoble used to work for. Cough. Quite frankly, for some of the stuff he’s written in the past, Scoble should be barred from ever using the term or linking favorably to a piece that accuses anyone other than Microsoft of announcing vaporware.
  5. Both Kedrosky and Scoble list the iPhone’s price as $599. Cute. It starts at $499, bitches, and please point to another device with the same feature set that costs less at either price point.
  6. Apple lists the battery life while playing video at 5 hours, not the 2 Scoble claims. Several commenters called him out on this and he said he’s “going off of what people are telling me here at CES” (not that they might have an axe to grind) but will correct it if someone provides a link because he can’t be bothered to go to apple.com/iphone. To be sure, it won’t really get 5 hours, but 2? Ooh, those grapes they’re serving at CES are sour.
  7. Apple went with the largest carrier in the U.S. (Cingular) and the most ubiquitous technology (GSM). It’s not an everything-to-everyone device that uses every niche technology including your personal favorite. You were expecting something else from Apple? It also doesn’t have a floppy drive, PS/2 adapter or DVD/RAM. Sorry!
  8. As David Pogue points out, the camera also benefits from the ability to frame your picture in a large screen. That’s at least a draw without even getting into what you can actually do with your picture after that.
  9. Scoble complains that at “$600” it should have GPS. Please point to the device that has all the features the iPhone has and GPS. What about an FM tuner? A compass? Little tweezers and a toothpick? Speaking personally, the Macalope won’t buy a “$600” device unless it has a corkscrew.

Finally, Scoble doesn’t mention the thing that kicks every other phone and the Zune’s butt up and down the street: the interface. All anti-iPhone arguments that do not mention the interface should be considered trolling.

UPDATE: In comments, Scoble says he still intends to buy an Apple iPhone, so you can temper your reading of the above with that. He also says that if Microsoft had shipped this phone we’d be deriding it as the worst phone ever shipped. Again, the sourness of those grapes, but the Macalope would posit that Microsoft is inherently incapable of shipping this product at this time. If they were, it would have (or should have) been the Zune.

Well, now…

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Wasn’t that interesting?

The Macalope would like all the people who asked “But what could Apple possibly bring to the cell phone market?” please close your laptops, put your heads down for five minutes and think about what you’ve done.

Ye of little faith.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Looks like we’re going to have to get us some of them big Canadian-style crows so we have enough to go around.

Predictions

The Macalope’s predictions, for what they’re worth.

Well, the Macalope probably can’t get away without putting some of his velvety hide in the game, so here goes.

  • Beatles-themed iPod.
  • iWork spreadsheet.
  • Little hand-held computery phone thing.
  • Tiger Leopard (Drunk fauns, indeed. These were Mexican fauns with tequila.) to be delivered earlier than expected, possibly right after the keynote.

And to raise the ante, something he hasn’t seen reported anywhere else.

  • Some large announcement for the education market that leverages wireless technology.

The Macalope didn’t entirely pull that one out of his rump, but it’s not based on a whole lot.

21 hours.

Cha-ching

Serlet sells some stock.

Bertrand Serlet sold what the Macalope calculates on the back of a napkin to be about $5.5 million in shares and options on Dec. 29th.

Not sure what the implications might be but he was clearly picking the last day of 2006 for tax purposes.

Or, possibly, to impress chicks on New Year’s Eve.

“Pardon, cherie, but ‘ave yoo ever seen a $10,000 bill?”

Things the Macalope learned from the MOAB

Artie MacStrawman rides again.

Artie MacStrawman? Bi-curious.

The reason is simple: if Steve Jobs appears in pink pants on Young Gay America, so will these zealots.

Who knew?

Are you feelin’ the love from the fine folks behind the Month of Apple Bugs? Because the Macalope is.

They also seem to think there’s something wrong with wearing pink hot pants and being on Young Gay America.

Guess the tent the big swinging dicks of hacking live under isn’t such a big one. Hmm.

Projection

Enderle. Again.

The Macalope hates to devote even the smallest amount of his valuable time to Rob Enderle, but he simply had to add some comments to Mr. Gruber’s post about Enderle’s latest.

Enderle writes:

For those of us who really follow Apple, it is common knowledge that the company you see from the CEO on down is a construct. The public “Steve Jobs” is a character created by Apple’s agency played by a guy named “Steve Jobs” — that’s why Apple doesn’t like the Jobs biographies — they break the image. Had they gone the Ronald McDonald route, they could probably keep the name and change the guy.

That is pretty funny, actually. Not really true, but funny.

But what’s funnier is that if there were ever someone who has made a construct of themselves it’s Rob Enderle.

Enderle has become the go-to-guy for a negative quote about Apple. Reporters, striving for “balance” during a time when Apple is riding high have no further to look than the esteemed head of the eponymous Enderle Group.

Who cares if he’s almost always gob-smackingly wrong about Apple?

Enderle actually makes a decent point about how Microsoft should stick to its guns and try to “be in everything” instead of trying to play Apple’s game which is “make the whole widget.”

Then he goes all ka-ka-koo-koo bananas and lashes out at Apple “journalists” for not being inquisitive enough.

ComScore, on the other hand, does custom work for vendors. What it does is valuable, but if Microsoft were to use a ComScore study to disprove an IDC or Forrester study, I doubt many would be foolish enough to believe it. I’ll bet not a single Apple “journalist” actually looked up what ComScore did before avidly publishing the company’s results. Suddenly, vendor-funded studies are ok?

Enderle manages to get through his “Old man Enderle wants you kids to get off his lawn” routine without mentioning Piper Jaffray or any of the other sources that backed up comScore’s data.

Hmm. Who’s not inquisitive?

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooootch?

Rob Enderle: occasionally correct, but always fantastically wrong.

All options, all the time

Options expert’s comments on how fairly Jobs has been treated.

BusinessWeek’s Peter Burrows talked with options expert Erik Lie. Lie doesn’t think Jobs is necessarily out of the woods, but the Macalope found the last graph most interesting.

I then asked if he thought Jobs was getting an easier time than the dozens of other executives that have lost their jobs over the backdating scandal, simply becuase of Jobs’ celebrity and iconic reputation with investors and consumers. He said no. Rather, he pointed out his belief that there are many executives that have flouted options accounting rules that have not yet even been identified. “I believe there are potentially thousands of executives who have gotten completely off the hook. Because he’s steven jobs, he’s more in the spotlight….The media has been struggling to put a face on this scandal. If anything, he’s been treated unfairly relative to other people who have been completely unscathed.”

The Macalope has been harder on Jobs and Apple over the backdating of options than many other members of the Apple community, but he thinks Lie is absolutely correct here.

And you can scroll down for his “Martha Stewart” comment below as evidence that this isn’t a case of the tail wagging the Macalope.

They still do Friday fives?

The Macalope has been tagged and seeks to be released.

It’s almost 2007 for crying out loud!

At any rate, Bill Bumgarner has tagged the Macalope (apparently a week ago) with the “Five things you don’t know about me” thing.

This may have been last Friday’s five but according to iCal it’s Friday again, so let it ride!

  1. While it’s a pain in the ass to type with hooves, it does mean that the Macalope is immune to carpal tunnel syndrome, as his “forearms” are made up with several phalanx bones that…

    Well, it’s complicated. Suffice it to say you won’t be seeing the Macalope wearing one of those wrist thingies.

  2. The Macalope once nailed Carly Fiorina.

    It was nothing to write home about.

  3. The Mac the Macalope primarily uses is an SE/30, but it’s a mythical SE/30 that can run OS X.
  4. The Macalope brews his own beer using a recipe taught to him by Dionysus himself. The secret ingredient? The dewy nectar that forms on Scarlett Johansson’s brow when she does hot yoga.

    Which is redundant as any yoga Ms. Johansson does is, by definition, hot yoga.

  5. Favorite Dr. Seuss character: Horton.

    You’d be surprised at how many people say Marvin K. Mooney. It’s weird.

Happy New Year!