Who is the Macalope?

The depends. Who wants to know? Does the Macalope owe you money?

Most of the people in the Apple press who really give a rip already know who operates under the Macalope pseudonym. It’s not that hard to find out, the Macalope has been soft-outed on several occasions and he’s never denied it. (And, yes, there has only ever been one person who wrote as the Macalope.)

Why has the Macalope not just come out? Because many of the Macalope’s readers simply do not want to know. They prefer to live in a world where a half man, half antelope and half Mac hybrid creature is real. A world where math operates differently. They are not wrong. That world is way better. Have you looked around at this world? Yeesh.

While it was never really much of a problem before, lately a few people have suggested the Macalope’s alter-ego was hiding behind the persona, afraid to put his name to his words. Look, the Macalope didn’t spend four years at Bad Life Choices University to disassociate his real name from the loud-mouthed things he writes online. He spent four years at Bad Life Choices University because it was his safety school. He didn’t get in anywhere else. What was he supposed to do? Do a year of college prep?

Actually, that probably would have been a good idea, now that you mention it.

Huh. Oh, well.

Anyway, if you’re one the people whose work the Macalope has criticized or you feel you just really, really need to know because you open your presents Christmas eve and read recaps of Game of Thrones before watching, he’ll tell you, provided you promise not to spoil it for those who don’t want to know. Can a mythical beast hold you to that? No. He supposes not. That’s for a vengeful god to do.

If you’re a technology writer looking to expose this stunning information, please, for the love of God, find something actually important to write about even if you’re so very mad. But if you’re angry at this faceless person criticizing your bon mots or you have three weeks to live and want to find out before you go, you can email the Macalope by clicking the following link and he’ll tell you.

Please ruin all the things.