Macworld Expo A-Go-Go

The Macalope’s weekly Macworld piece is up. Three guesses about what it covers and the first two don’t count.

Let the stupid begin!

BusinessWeek’s Peter Burrows jumps on Jobs’ health right out of the gate. Maybe Jobs is sick, maybe he isn’t. The truth of the matter is that Macworld just doesn’t make sense for Apple anymore. Burrows doesn’t get it.

Here we have a company with $27 billion in the bank, that gets massive, global exposure from a talk that rarely lasts two hours. If Apple can’t see the ROI in Macworld, what company can justify the tradeshow bill?

Apple gets “massive, global exposure” when it sneezes. They’re the perfect example of a company that doesn’t need a trade show. Why go to all this trouble when all people have to do to learn more about your products is wander into one of your stores or open up a newspaper?

It’s still a sad moment for the Macalope. Macworld has been the place to get to know other Applephiles for 20 years. He won’t miss the conference, but he will miss the partying.


Apple announces last year at Macworld.

Phil Schiller to deliver keynote.

You may now freak out.

It all depends

John Gruber:

Laying off talented web designers seems like the worst possible strategy for Yahoo.

Unless your strategy is “get acquired by Microsoft”.

Unicorn chaser

Michael Gartenberg, quoted in this Macworld piece by Jim Dalrymple, provides a good tonic to the nonsense in the previous pieces:

“Economic slowdowns don’t stop spending, but it means people will be more careful what they spend their money on,” Michael Gartenberg, vice president of market research firm JupiterMedia and editor of the MobileDevicesToday blog, told Macworld. “In many cases they will spend their money on premium products that represent good value for the dollar—for many people that’s not necessarily the cheapest product.”

No, no, no! They’re going to buy cheap crap that doesn’t do what they want and breaks all the time!

Netbooks, Zune phones, and other maladies

This week’s Macworld piece is up! Go! Read! Click an ad while you’re there!

And they all agreed it was the merriest Christmas ever

God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember Flash and Java won’t run by Christmas day

No Java, Flash for iPhone this Christmas

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.

Ah, InfoWorld’s Paul Krill. You’ve got it backwards.

But no one seems to know why Flash and Java aren’t available for the iPhone.

Ooh! Ooh! Pick the Macalope! Pick the Macalope!

Uh, because they blow?

There has been some conjecture that the intermediary nature of Flash and Java, which lets applications run in the Flash Player and on the Java Virtual Machine, might stifle Apple’s control over what goes on the iPhone. But an industry analyst offered a less cynical theory:

C’mon, Paul. Bring it on home.

“Part of the problem, as I understand it, is the ARM processor” that powers the iPhone, says Rob Enderle, principal analyst at the Enderle Group.



Although the processor has the advantage of low power consumption, it also has slow performance. As a result, “neither Flash nor Java work on it very well,” Enderle says.

Rob is an obfuscation machine.

An ARM representative declined to comment on the iPhone but did note that the ARM processor can run Flash.

An ARM representative declined to comment on the iPhone but did note that Rob Enderle was dropped a lot as an infant.

iPhone developer Christopher Allen, founder of the iPhoneWebDev community, concurs that full Flash support on the iPhone “probably is beyond what the processor can do.” He notes that the Flash Lite runs on less powerful processors than what the iPhone uses but on those slower processors does not run most Web content.

But Allen believes that the iPhone could run Java today.

And here we have the real issue. Sure, the iPhone could run Flash, but — particularly given the already unoptimized state of Flash on OS X — it would probably have to run some stripped-down, crappier version of Flash.

Wait, there’s a crappier version of Flash? Dear god.

And Java? Well, Java’s just more about security, marketing and asthetics.

But who’s the loser here? Apple’s customers? The ones lining up to buy iPhones? Somebody should alert them because they don’t seem to know.

Somewhere, someone is wrong on the Internet

Picture the scene.

At the edge of a wood bordering the high mountain plain, a creature stands eating the last of the autumn RAM chips that have fallen from the magic trees that produce them. He must store up energy to survive the long winter that has already left the ground covered in a dusting of snow. As he chews slowly and thoughtfully, the pixies begin to nestle into his fur — a home they will claim until the spring thaws come.

Suddenly, the great beast pauses. He lifts his be-horned head and sniffs the wind. Alerted, the pixies burrow deep and his thick coat sparkles with their dust.

An ill wind is moving in from the southwest. The lesser beasts — the silken-furred jackalopes and hairy manelopes — have smelled it now too, and they bolt haphazardly into the forest.

But the Macalope breathes deep. He knows this smell. He knows what it means.

Somewhere, Rob Enderle has written something about Apple.

And he knows what he must do.

OK, that’s not exactly how it happened. The Macalope was getting some RAM chips and soda out of the pantry when he got an email from John Gruber saying “You want this one?” But his fur is full of pixies (they’re an excellent exfoliant).

Sooo, Mr. Enderle. What. To. Do. About. You?

You see, it’s fairly obvious what he’s doing here. As the horny one has noted, he’s come to realize that Rob is not as stupid as he’d have us believe. No, Rob is playing a part. It’s doubtful he truly believes what he writes about Apple. Lord knows no one else does.

Many an astute reader has wondered why the brown and furry one would reward such trolling with a link. Well, it’s not like traffic from the Macalope is really going to win Rob that coveted set of steak knives from the International Jackass Institute. And, really, you’re asking a creature with a Mac for a head not to respond to this? Clearly this is what the Macalope was born and bred for.

Plus, this one is like a quotation buffet. Take a look.

Unfortunately, the key part of the message for the new MacBook TV ad was the claim that it had the notebook computer that was the most green. Greenpeace almost immediately, and clearly opportunistically, branded Apple again as an environmental problem company, offsetting significantly the message Apple was trying to convey.

Right. Because we know how consumers just eat up those Greenpeace press releases.

In addition, the new Apple MacBook touchpads have been reported as broken, something that goes along with a number of other perceived quality problems with Apple’s latest products…

Perceived by who, Rob? You? Certainly not Apple customers. They sure beat the pants off your buddies at Dell. Crappy physician, heal thy crappy patient.

…most of which seem to be priced substantially more than the US$800 price ceiling that was identified at the Phoenix Technology conference I attended a few weeks back.

These ceiling comments are based on observed buying behavior after the economic collapse and, if true, given how expensive Apple’s PC products are, would indicate Apple is having problems selling its new PCs.

According to several guys down at the video place, Rob’s mustache exceeds the ceiling for tackiness for anyone not actually a ’70s porn star. If these ceiling comments are true, it could indicate that Rob was actually a porn star back in the ’70s.

No, what Rob means is that these comments would indicate that Apple might have problems selling its new PCs. Rob frequently seems prone to these leaps of logical faith when talking about Apple.

There is increasing speculation that there is a lower-cost Apple netbook coming, but it may arrive too late to offset Apple sales volume problems.

Sales problems we have shown conclusively through the use of third-party comments about their prices possibly being too high in this economy and through the use of Doug Henning-style magic! (Again, mustache.)

And what does this even mean, anyway? The Macalope keeps hearing people wondering aloud whether any price cuts by Apple will come “too late”. Apple has literally 8 million metric buttloads of cash on hand (no, you look the actual number up) and margins that offer a comfortable padding to cut into in hard times. Try that with a netbook, Rob.

Apple has substantial reserves, and there is little chance it will go under…

Go under? Go under what? The bleachers and make out with Anne Hathaway? That’s more likely.

Rob, having proved absolutely nothing, now brings it all not home.

…but it needs some lower-priced products in retail and simply may not have enough time this year to boost its 2008 numbers in the fourth quarter.

OK, so, after numerous years in the black and beating estimates quarter after quarter, Rob wants us to think that Apple suddenly has no idea how to sell computers. Well, it’s possible they’ve priced themselves out of this market.

It’s also possible Rob’s just doing it again.

You know which one the Macalope believes.

It’s the second one. Just so there’s no confusion.

Hey, look at the Macalope on Macworld!

Almost like it was meant to be!

This one looks at virus protection, awesome business ideas, and fishy litigation.