10 ponies Apple failed to deliver at WWDC

WWDC No Shows: 10 Things We Wanted From Apple and Didn’t Get (tip o’ the antlers to TUAW – so if you must click a link, click this one, not the first one!).

1. The Apple Tablet

No free pony.

2. The Elusive ‘iPhone Nano’

No free shetland pony.

3. The iPhone FM Transmitter

No orthopedic pony for pony riders with special needs.

4. A New iPod

No pony that anyone who’s paying attention would know comes in September every God damn year.

5. Adobe Flash Support

No angry pony that lumbers around slowly and then poops in your living room.

6. Removable Batteries

No stupid pony no one cares about.

7. iProd and iFPGA

No imaginary pony we made up.

8. MMS and Tethering Support (That Can Actually Be Used)

AT&T won’t let us ride the pony (this one’s fair, you’re one for ten, JR!).

9. Carrier Expansion

No doublewide pony.

10. Steve Jobs

No “indispensable” pony we were told 10,000 times wouldn’t be there but, ooh, look, somehow they managed to pull the keynote off without it.

Just because you can write a piece, JR, doesn’t mean you should write a piece.

  • Mo:

    No ponies, but there was at least a sprinkle of unicorn tears.

    New MacBooks? check.
    New iPhone? check.
    New iPhone OS Features We Knew Were Coming But Everyone Applauded Anyway? check.
    New Mac OS X With A Low Low Price And A Firm Ship Date? check

    It wasn’t earth-shattering, but I didn’t want any stinkin’ ponies anyway. My stable’s already full of horn-ed beasts.

  • I love the last paragraph. It’s not often I actually laugh out loud at the internet.

  • Kevan:

    The last sentence of this post irritates me a bit.

    The title of his article was 10 things he wanted and 10 things he didn’t get, which was accurate, because none of those things were delivered. Whether or not his wants were reasonable is a matter of debate, but I don’t see why you have a problem with the article.

    Are you annoyed that he wanted things that you think are either unreasonable (carrier expansion) or lame (FM transmitter)? Sure, I agree. But the premise of his article is valid; they are things he wanted that he didn’t get.

    You should just title this post “Things Someone Else Wanted That I Think Suck, So Therefore They Should Not Have Written It”.

  • huxley:

    Kevan, I find that your spelling of Kevin irritates me a bit.

  • Hey, if you want something, that’s great. The Macalope wants a free MacBook Pro. But it doesn’t exactly make sense for Apple to go around handing them out. The company’s a business, not a free pony stand.

    The annoying subtext here is that Apple disappointed by not delivering this crap that was never on the table in the first place other than in someone’s fevered imagination. That’s what the Macalope takes exception to. Not whether or not someone wanted a new iPod. We all want that. Why wouldn’t we?

    But is it reasonable to expect Apple to provide it when they already have a defined schedule for iPod announcements? No. So it’s just wankery.

  • J.M. Heinrichs:

    If you re-read the article title, you might notice the presence of the word “we”. Think of it as crucial to the writer’s argument, him and his quotées.


  • Mr. Reeee:

    DELETED ExpressCard/34 slot from 15″ MacBook Pro.


  • What do you use it for? The Macalope’s had those PC card slots over the years and the only time he ever used it was to put an 802.11g card in his TiBook. He thought that might put some people out, though.

  • James:

    I agree with the Macalope. It’s not that Apple failed to deliver at WWDC. I think they delivered quite a bit. It’s that pundits have an exaggerated level of expectations as a result of reading their own baseless rumor mongering. Of course they’re disappointed, they didn’t get the fantasy, so of course they have to dismiss the reality.

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