No, no, no

Look, let the Macalope show you how this is done.

WRONG: Roger Kay’s Microsoft-sponsored “Apple tax” analysis is out of line! Let me show you a detailed analysis of how he pads and distorts the costs!

RIGHT: Microsoft has boxed itself into a corner of expensive, nonsensical and uncompelling upgrade paths and is behaving like a spoiled child because its customers have started realizing they don’t have to use Windows. They know it and Roger Kay knows it. If they spent half the time they spend filling out fake tax forms and paying actresses to buy their products actually making a good user experience, they might be able to speak about value with an iota of credibility. But probably not.

See the difference?

ADDENDUM: Just to be clear, this is not a rational argument they’re trying to make, so don’t treat it like one. Don’t waste your time refuting horse shit. When someone calls you a name, you don’t say “Am not!” You say “Yeah? That’s not what your mother said while I was…” Etc.

Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.

Trackbacks Comments
  • Qengho:

    Why aren’t you running the country? Aside from the constitutional requirement that the president be a human being, that is.

  • The mythical one definitely has a way with words!

  • Actually, there is no US Constitutional requirement that an anyone elected President must be human. At least not an explicit requirement. The Constitution only declares that the being elected President must be a natural born citizen (born on US soil). So, if at anytime we, as a society, declared that any sentient being can be a US citizen then the Macalope would qualify. As long as he was born on US soil.

  • BradI:

    I do so enjoy the droll yet plainspoken communication of the Macalope species. Too bad there is only one ;-)

  • Sigivald:

    Yellow: Or his parents were American citizens; “natural born citizen” means “citizen from birth”, and being born on American soil is only one of several ways to achieve that.

    Of course, that probably won’t work for the Macalope, as Macs have long been made in foreign parts and then imported. But perhaps his parent Mac was naturalized?

  • But… but… but… PCs can have “Bluuuuue Raaaaay!” ;) Come on Microsoft, at least try to be a little nonchalant about the fact that you think everyone’s a retard. Though, that does seem to be your core demographic.

  • having had yet another blew screen of death on the corpse laptop, it’d take WAY more than a cute actress & a twonk with a spreadsheet to convince me of micro$lop’s value proposition.

    if only i could do my job on a mac. alas, they haven’t yet fired our information technology idiots for specifying windoze …

  • Your “Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight” metaphor is a little off. Arguing with these people is more like bringing an Uzi to the fight while your opponent has brought a Clue-bat but doesn’t quite know how to use it.

  • Sebhelyesfarku:

    Dumbass Mactards would buy a turd with the Apple logo. Stop suckin Jobs’ dick, motherfuckin Mactard.

  • Marcos El Malo:

    I actually feel sorry for MS. Instead of trying to compete, they’re using an argument that will backfire on them. If I want a “value” computing experience, if I have to settle for a lesser OS, why pay the MS Tax? I’ll try out some Linux variants. Fortunately, my Macs and Powerbooks (and now, my plastic Mac Book) have given me so many years of service before I hand them down that I have plenty of time to save for that next purchase in 2012. And hopefully by then, Apple will have a small footprint notebook or something better. =)

  • This is basically why I don’t bother writing refutations to these sorts of things; what I will do (if I feel strongly enough, which admittedly is rare) is attempt to educate people to notice the nonsensicality rather than take it as gospel. This is true for anyone I feel is being slighted unfairly. But it’s never worth trying to refute large-scale crap like an ‘industry report’ such as we see here; it’s just pointless unless you’re on the same level, which the likes of us are not.

  • John:

    “Dumbass Mactards would buy a turd with the Apple logo. Stop suckin Jobs’ dick, motherfuckin Mactard.”

    Ah! The height of PC user intellectual discourse.

    How typical.

  • huxley:

    Shorter Microsoft: We’re nowhere near as cool as John Hodgman …

  • Hmm. Seems someone has an obsession with performing fellatio on Steve Jobs.

  • abe:

    Imagine if Apple were still selling Mac OS 9.2, and its hottest market segment was choosing it over OS X? This week brought news that Windows 7 will not bring the death of XP licensing either, so add Snow Leopard/OS 9 parallel sales to your vision, too, and you are approaching the levels of dysfunction at today’s Microsoft.

    LOL indeed.

  • William Folde:

    Last week I attended a two hour presentation on using computers for academic research, and the problems that come along. THE WHOLE TIME was taken up with discussions of viruses, unneeded upgrades, spyware, malware and many other things that are so prevalent on the windows side of things. No wonder our IT people have Macs at home. It baffles me that so many people think that wasting so much time with anti virus programs, doing the Security Tango, and other facts of life on the Windows side, is a “normal” computing expereince.

    How on earth do they ever get anything done? Any work accomplished? It’s been written that any Windows machine on the web for 10 minutes without a firewall, anti virue software etc. will be compromised. This isn’t a Mac fanboy writing – it’s someone who actually has work to get done and can do it on a Mac better and safer – and cheaper when you add in all the extra protective software that one has to buy for Windowd AND the subscriptions necessary to keep it up to date.

  • TheOtherSteveJobs:

    Honestly, i don’t understand any of this discussion. While Lauren and her incredibly overpriced VW Bug would have been better off with a Mac, why do Mac users give a shit?

    There are too many people like Lauren already buying Macs and iPods and they clog up the Apple Stores and genius bars when you actually need help with an actual real problem – like my bad ATI video card in my MacPro… took days to get an appt because the queue was jammed full of mouth breathing Windows/iPod users.

    I would much prefer to see people like her buying a Windows box because then she wouldn’t be taking up space in my world.

    In fact, just stay the hell out of my club, okay? I like my club, that’s why i’m in it, and the people that are already in it I like because they’re not stupid like Windows users.

    Seriously – Mac users – if you have a brain – STOP trying to get Windows users to buy Macs. We didn’t need Windows users for 20 years, and i don’t know why the fsck we need them now.

    Who’s fscking idea was this to have the masses – for example the ones that first voted for Bush and now voted for Obama (could you pick two stupider people to vote for ever?) – buying Macs? I don’t want the dumb people at work to come and ask me to help them with their computer…. and they didn’t used to when they had Windows. But now that they have an iMac – all of their fscking problems are now somehow my problems.

    Gah. /crotchety old Mac user

  • John:

    I have a Mac and a PC, but no sign of Windows on either of them. Why is MS getting people to buy PC’s again?

  • Glenn Fleishman:

    I thought there were thundering herds of Macalopes on the Plains of Woznia near the Cavern of Deep Gilgamelio?

  • Steven:

    I agree, refuting horseshit is a waste of time. That being said, I am looking forward to what Apple comes up with ad-wise after they get done with this “greenest” notebook crap.

    THEOTHERSTEVEJOBS: Unfortunately, for Apple to remain profitable it will require that they turn a certain number of Windows users away from the dark side, as they did me. Sorry if we crashed your club. Also, I was with you until you called Obama stupid, but that’s for another discussion.

  • Emma:

    this would be a lot more credible if you had the balls to use your real name.

    “don’t bring a knife to gun fight” Don’t bring a fake persona to any rational argument dip-shit!

  • instig8r:

    Steve: “Also, I was with you until you called Obama stupid, but that’s for another discussion.”

    The guy has a Blackberry obsession. How smart can he be? Okay, he and his staff use Macs, but BlechBerry? Not smart.

  • Bryan:

    Hmm. Seems someone has an obsession with performing fellatio on Steve Jobs.

    *snicker* Great find. :D

  • Doug:

    Oh, Emma. Dear, sweet, naive little Emma.

    What makes you think that the Microsoft ads posit a rational argument? Well, go on… we’ll wait.

  • Mark:

    Brooks says, “…it is not a question of whether [customers] are satisfied or dissatisfied with the experience,…”

    That statement alone confirms Microsoft’s disconnect from the consumer. It seems they are intent on going the way of the U.S. auto makers.

  • Jussi:

    Mark said: “Microsoft’s disconnect from the consumer. It seems they are intent on going the way of the U.S. auto makers.”

    They would probably go that way if there was an equivalent of the Japanese auto makers around. Too bad globally Microsoft is almost as ubiquitous as ever. Apple’s success in US consumer space makes that segment a bit healthier but over all there is no competition to Microsoft.

    If one is unhappy to Vista, what are the options? XP, Linuxen and Apple. Apple is one vendor solution that runs on specific hardware, Linux is still too complex on many levels. In addition to that running existing software needs third party solutions. (Boot Camp does not cut it)

    No matter how poor operating systems and other products Microsoft will make in the future or even if it would stop developing all together, it won’t go anywhere in next 15-20 years. Sad but true.

  • Mark:

    Jussi replies: “[Microsoft] won’t go anywhere in next 15-20 years.”

    U.S. auto manufacturers started their descent nearly 35 years ago.

  • Mark:

    That descent featured the same sort of disconnect with their customers, even though they had overwhelmingly commanded the domestic car market for decades.

  • kellyp:

    MS should just send an email to Apple threatening them into bundling Internet Explorer with their PCs. Or maybe they could buy Apple and shelf all their technology. Or better yet they could just rewrite Objective-C and Cocoa and call it IronCocoa or Objective-C# .Net.

  • The Church of Apple:

    @STEVEN Re:THEOTHERSTEVEJOBS:

    I second that.

    @Macalope: Re: “If they spent half the time they spend filling out fake tax forms and paying actresses to buy their products actually making a good user experience, they might be able to speak about value with an iota of credibility. But probably not.”

    “Innovation has nothing to do with how many R&D dollars you have…It’s not about money. It’s about the people you have, how you’re led, and how much you get it.”
    This is the word of Jobs (thanks be to Apple)

  • Emma,
    The Macalope’s real name can be discovered using simple differential calculus and a 007 decoder ring. You must be smart enough to figure it out and stupid enough to waste the time. .

  • Laroquod:

    Everybody knows that Macs are more expensive. This is not even in dispute anymore in polite society. By pretending this counterargument doesn’t exist you are losing the argument by default, and ensuring that you will preach only to the converted, because on this planet at this time, only very hardcore unshakeably-faithed Mac users will dispute that there is an ‘Apple tax’, though that is a stupid name for it.

  • Murrquan:

    @Laroquod,

    Mac users do know that they’re paying more, but the concept of an “Apple tax” suggests that they’re paying more for nothing.

    I would submit that this is the biggest problem with Microsoft’s approach: They have no idea why Macs are so successful, and blame all of the numerous switchers on some ephemeral “coolness” factor. Either that or they do know why Macs are trouncing PCs, but they also know they can’t do anything about it.

    I personally use Ubuntu on my PC, but would prefer that it were as usable as Leopard. And I’ve spent a great deal of time and energy tweaking it to be that way. I can’t blame someone who’s not as concerned with openness for just paying the money to Apple for a more user-friendly experience up-front, even if I disagree with them.

  • DB:

    Laroquod: Actually, it’s quite debatable whether there is in fact an “Apple tax” and, if there is, how much it might be and whether it is a fair premium to pay for a superior product. However, that isn’t the point here.

    Use of the word “debate” implies that the participants play fair, and Kay does nothing of the sort. Attempting to muddy the waters of with arrant falsification and blatant manipulation of logic and facts amounts to a highbrow version of schoolyard name-calling, and the Mythical One simply is responding in kind.

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