Jackassery, thy name is Enderle

Rob Enderle, folks (tip o’ the antlers to Les Posen).

Let’s do this thing.

Rob predicts a bad year for Apple (when has he not?) and thinks the iPhone’s not going to help.

It comes in at a nosebleed price…

It is on the high end, but did you see the interface on that thing? Holy crap.

…it has really lousy estimated battery life…

Well, it’s all relative, isn’t it? What other combination video iPod, cell phone and computer with a robust web browser, email client and media management system has a better battery life?

Oh, that’s right…

…it uses the aging 2.5G wireless network…

Aging and ubiquitous.

…and both the hardware and the OS on it are relatively new — read probably buggy.

Well, sure. There are going to be bugs at first.

Is that all you got, Rob?

Sadly, no.

Because the iPhone is still months off, many who might have otherwise purchased an iPod in the first half of the year will likely hold and wait to see this thing before they purchase.

When they will purchase either an iPod or an iPhone. So some sales may get deferred, but not lost.

But what are they waiting for, exactly? The iPod part is the known quantity. It’s the phone part people might be unsure of. If anything the Macalope thinks people are going to hold off on their phone purchases.

Now, readers, you may want to wrap an Ace bandage or some cellophane around your head before you read the next paragraph, just to keep it from exploding.

That should put a drag on iPod sales on top of what typically comes after a really good quarter — and its fourth quarter 2006 was a really good quarter. A lot of folks have new iPods as a result, and these people won’t be buying new ones anytime soon.

BLAM!

Yes, this is Rob Enderle’s special alchemy: spinning good news for Apple as bad news for Apple. How does he do it?!

But, congratulations, Rob. You’ve discovered cyclicality.

Even if you have completely misunderstood it.

In addition, this is Vista launch. Regardless of whether folks flock to Vista, the massive marketing campaign will probably drown out anything Apple does and make it difficult to maintain sales.

Just like CES drowned out Macworld.

And, remember, when you’re trying to make a point it’s only necessary to discuss how one company’s initial release of something will have bugs.

Oh, and that company’s name should always be “Apple.”

If the company had rolled out Leopard or some new hardware to fight back with at MacWorld [sic], it might have held on. Such was not the case, though, and that means Apple will have an aging operating system on aging hardware that probably won’t get the needed refresh until mid-year if Apple hits it dates — and given the lack of Leopard content at MacWorld [sic], the company probably won’t hit its dates.

“It might have held on”? Right. Someone cue Ed Harris yelling at Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in The Abyss.

And “aging operating system”? Tiger will be all of 2 when Leopard is released. How old is XP again?

It’s very clear that the lack of Leopard content at Macworld (still a small “w”, thank you very much!) was an effort to drum up the iPhone, not to disrespect the Mac.

But, shh. Rob’s just gettin’ rollin’ now. Right over a cliff.

Speculation that Steve Jobs will take a leave of absence is continuing to spread.

Rob, the unsubstantiated rumor you link to was from before the keynote and was widely speculated to have been spread by jackasses looking to influence Apple’s stock price so they could buy low and sell high. Your decision to include it in your supposedly serious analysis is why you are the laughing stock of the Apple community.

Even if he doesn’t leave to fight the SEC (Securities and Exchange Commission), the distraction the broadening investigation is going to have on the executive staff and board will be a huge problem.

Not according to several Wall Street analysts who may yet prove wrong but whose opinions the Macalope would take over yours on topics ranging from “Apple, Inc.” to “how to spell ‘Enderle'”.

There is nothing like going to court against the strongest networking and the strongest telecom hardware company at the same time to keep folks distracted from what they otherwise should be doing.

Since when does Apple’s legal team design or market its products? And, you know, it’s not exactly like Apple’s never been sued before. The “iPhone” spat may end up being expensive and the company may take it on anyway for branding continuity, but no matter what the Apple phone is called when it’s released, it will still smell as awesome.

Apple is clearly not going away — but this year, compared to last, will be really nasty for the company.

Well, actually, the Macalope expects that this year may be harder than last year. But “really nasty”? You wish.

Trackbacks
  • Yet More Enderle Asshatery / How to get page views…

    Rob Enderle is, yet again, desperately begging for hits with another lame anti-Apple article. (i am doing a disservice to you and to myself by linking to this trash…….

Comments
  • evariste:

    My favorite Enderle moment, among many classics:

    12/03/2004: IBM PC Unit Unlikely To Be Sold To Lenovo
    12/07/2004: IBM To Sell To Lenovo

  • MacGyver:

    What a dope.

    Someone should put a helmet on that guy and take him over to the little bus.

  • Mr. Macalope sir —

    It occurs to me that picking on Rob Enderle is akin to plucking the wings off of a moth. Although, I must admit it’s much more fun to watch. He’s so consistently full of shit that he just invites it.

    Apple is going to kick ass this year, just like last year.

  • Forget the 3G network thing. The iPhone is based on _electricity_. That’s, like, nineteenth century technology. Come on, Apple, live in the now!

  • SecureEnough:

    Holy crap-Enderle is predicting next quarter’s iPod sales may be below last quarters Christmas iPod sales…because of the iPhone and Vista, and not because..you know the..ah forget it.
    Holy crap.

  • Christine:

    Rob Enderle is a moron.

    My pet peeve of people complaining about the iPhone: battery life. The battery life is not horrible. It is, in fact, totally in line with other smart phones if not a bit better.

    A quick battery comparison

  • Glenn:

    As if Mr. Enderle hadn’t written enough drivel:

    Enderle on the iPhone

    “To meet what was an incredibly fast time to market, the intellectual property (IP) to make this phone work had to come from somewhere. There is a good chance it came from Linux and that community has rules that they enforce about taking their stuff and not giving back….”

    Yawn.

  • Chris Jones:

    Doesn’t Enderle work for Microsoft? He can’t be for real!

  • Brian:

    Christine, you’re assuming that Enderle actually cares about this “facts” stuff. Or even understands what facts are.

    The facts indicate that he, in fact, does not.

  • Mr. Enderle didn’t even write anything original. That stuff is all rehash that’s been said already by a couple of other people in a couple of other places. The bozo didn’t even put a fresh spin on anything.

    Drivel. Unprocessed dross.

  • Sue Taggert:

    Enderle is Microsoft’s bitch.

    He works for free and like any skid row whore will do and say anything this handlers tell him. As you may know he trumpeted Apple’s iPhone success on January 10, 2007 but was bitch slapped for it and here is his revised analysis.

    He he He!

    Rob Enderle doing an “analysis”. The only anal he knows is Bills anal canal, where he lives and does his articles from.

    It may be absurd to conceive that this sort of shameless shill and pathologic liar is actually quoted in the media, he is the only living sample of this level of bull shit, fortunately.

  • Nick:

    Enderle is so transparent. Enderle mentioning that new products have bugs when and only when it’s covenient to his purposes to mention it, Enderle calling an OS “old” when it’s only been around for two years and, in engineering terms, is still *years* ahead of Vista – it’s all good for a laugh.

    You’ll also notice that, as a way of knocking the iPhone, Enderle talks up the the Lucky Goldstar “Prada”, which, he claims, without offering any evidence in support ,is “stunning”. I doubt he’s even handled an LG phone. Apparently, it runs a subset of Flash on top of Symbian:

    “Imagine a web browser built on top of a minimal subset of Flash, and its suddenly obvious why the iPhone is further ahead than industry pundits seem to understand.”

    http://www.roughlydrafted.com/RD/RDM.Tech.Q1.07/72B08E9A-D467-45EA-B214-28D3A340C3E5.html

    Enderle is seriously comparing a subset of Flash to something as mature, stable, comprehensive and elegant as the Cocoa frameworks and suggesting the latter come of worse by the comparison. Does he think we got off the ferry yesterday?

    Microsoft’s bitch? Yep, that’s about it.

  • LKM:

    Ah. It should do more and cost less. Makes sense, sign me up. The battery life is actually one of the things that are to be expected. My P990 is dead after less than 5 hours if I do somewhat “intense” stuff like playing ScummVM.

    Also, I think Vista will help apple rather than hurt them. After years of development, this is all Microsoft can come up with? Maybe it’s time to switch, rather than buy a new PC to run Vista.

  • GeoK:

    Rob Enderle has as much credibility as a $10 fortune teller coming off an alcoholic binge. It’s obvious something is eating at his brain.

  • Hans:

    Enderle is the new Dvorak

  • Follower:

    It’s interesting (and frustrating) how much Enderle is quoted by the tech and mainstream press. If his many sins of credibility haven’t caught up with him by now, I wonder if they ever will. I suspect it has to do with the fact that news stories need both objectivity; journalists try to get both sides of every story, and if there is no bad news, they have to find someone to manufacture it. There’s also the angle of supplying drama in the form of a dissenting opinion, even in the case of something that’s nearly-universally praised (like the iPhone). Voilà: Rob.

    Logical permutations from an alternate realty; sometimes questionable syntax, and a less than stellar track record have not damaged Enderle’s status as the go-to guy for quotes about anything Apple. For that, we’ve got to give him credit. I don’t know how much money the dial-a-quote business brings in, but it’s got to be doing a nice job, year after year, helping to support the sprawling campus and strata of management levels at The Enderle Group’s world headquarters.

  • GadgetGav:

    Can someone tell me how I can get a job like Rob Enderle..? I assume he gets paid by the word for his ‘analysis’ and ‘insight’ regardless of whether those words make sense when read. I’m sure I can do just as good a job… where do I apply..?
    Plus as a bonus, the more controversial my comments, the more hits I get from the fanboys (on both sides of the argument) and the more money I’ll make on ads…! Seems like a dream job.

  • Bert Russel:

    Follower said “helping to support the sprawling campus and strata of management levels at The Enderle Group’s world headquarters.”

    The Enderle Group is Rob, nobody else, who works from a tiny desk in the basement of his house. It may feel like a group with the voices in his head but beyond fantasy there is nobody else. Who would have standards low enough to work with him. Who could whore for nothing.

  • Bergamot:

    Given that Enderle is almost certainly paid by pageview, wouldn’t it be better to link to a google cache copy of the article instead of the real thing?

    Otherwise you are just inviting more sensationalist trolling.

  • Fruityway:

    What Enderle likes the most about Vista: “Boot times had me wanting DOS back, and suspend wasn’t particularly reliable until Windows 2000. With Vista, off is suspend — and it is almost instant. People ask me what I like the most, and being able to simply turn the system instantly on and off flows to the top of my list.”

  • John Muir:

    Good point there my Earl Grey tea enabling friend. ;)

  • Dave:

    Enderle writes from the basement of HIS OWN HOUSE?!

    I thought for sure it was his mom’s basement…

    WHY has no one done a blog or website devoted to this guy’s prognostications, proving with his own words that he is wrong 99.9999999999999% of the time- exposing him as a charlatan? Perhaps then the oh-so-lazy media types would stop quoting him?

  • Enderle = truthiness without all of that pesky “truth” stuff getting in the way.

    i would describe him as a *COMPLETE* joke.
    (without all of that pesky humor stuff getting in the way)

  • Matthew:

    I am not sure how to submit possible topics to talk about, so I figured I’d post this in the comments. I just saw the most absurd WTF post about the iPhone yet. It explains how the evil iPhone will ruin corporate security through its nefarious USB internet connection!!!

    http://www.connectitnews.com/usa/story.cfm?item=382

    Matthew

  • As far as the iPhone battery issue goes, the real fact is that these devices don’t use “outdated” electricity and are actually powered by Steve Jobs’ own spiritual energy.

    Did anyone see the keynote, at the end, where He was getting all choked up? It wasn’t because of all the heart and soul he poured into the device – literally, open one up sometime – but because He was crushed by the thought of the millions of iPhone users draining his ethereal aura.

    Were there no limit on the usage time of these devices, they might drain his spirit so much as to make him mortal again. His selfless sacrifice would be in vain and how then could he possibly ever reach his fourth celestial embodiment…hmmmmm?

  • The quickest way to get hits on a website, or to gain attention is to make these progcrackstinations about Apple’s demise. I didn’t even click the original story. Maybe I could increase my blog traffic by adding something like “Apple Doomed, While Microsoft Zunes.”

    They are silly pundits, but I guess it’s beginning to get old. The prey isn’t even that fresh anymore, all the arguments are retreads. I still had someone say to me last night that Microsoft was the software used for business, no reason to get a Mac. All this after he reminded me that Macs will have more viruses now that Windows can run on them. You can’t have it both ways.

    Let them all flail in their software wizards and try to tell just at a glance how much hard drive space is left by clicking their “windows”.

  • john beck:

    If your name is Enderle then what you said peoples to call you?

  • This is exactly what I expected to find out after reading the title Jackassery, thy name is Enderle. Thanks for informative article

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