Sales pitch is low and away

Steve Ballmer is still shakin’ that money maker but corporate audiences just aren’t slipping the bills into his sweaty g-string.

The Macalope will give you a minute after that disturbing image.

That’s it. Just walk it off. Walk it off. You’ll be OK.

Better? Can we proceed?


The launch of Windows Vista, Office 2007 and Exchange 2007 for businesses is the most significant release of the flagship products in Microsoft’s history, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said Nov. 30.

The Macalope hates to tell the glistening one his own business (well, not really…), but there’s little doubt that Windows 95 was the most significant release of Windows in Microsoft history.

Totally new GUI? Long file names? Preemptive multitasking 32-bit applications? Any of this ringing any bells, Steve-a-rino?



Ballmer said Windows Vista will usher in a wave of innovation.

No comment.

“I am happy to finally be here, and that’s all I’m going to say about the past,” Ballmer said, referring to the fact that Vista has taken five years to bring to market.

Wow! “Baby, I know I hit you all those times, but I don’t want to talk about that…”

Being Microsoft is never having to say you’re sorry.

Asked about the timeline for Vista service packs, Ballmer quipped that as it is the highest-quality, most secure and reliable Windows operating system ever, there should be no need for a service pack.

Steve. Steve.

Oh, Steve.


For lessons in CEO honesty, perhaps Ballmer should turn to Seagate’s Bill Watkins who said in a recent interview (tip o’ the antlers to Hack the Planet):

“Let’s face it, we’re not changing the world. We’re building a product that helps people buy more crap – and watch porn.”

See, Steve? That’s minty fresh! When the Macalope hears Bill Watkins talk, it’s like he’s standing the middle of a forest and the only thing he can hear – ba-by! – is the dew dropping from the cool, gr-een leaves! Ha-ha!

You, on the other hand, sound like the dumpster out back of a Denny’s in Gary, Indiana.

UPDATE: More disturbing Ballmer imagery from the Macalope’s stylistic brother Robert X. Cringely.

Must be something in the air today.

Trackbacks Comments
  • There is NO denny’s in GARY, IN. Trust me, i Know.


  • Joe:

    no need for a service pack sure whatever

  • I think Ballmer’s right on the service pack thing. You only need to issue service packs if users are vulnerable to bugs in your software. Vista sure ain’t going to get any users anytime soon. Ha ha!

  • rahrens:

    He’s right – they won’t issue a service pack, they’ll just call it a new version of Windows… isn’t Vista just XP SP3? (and by the way, could you even issue a service pack to a service pack?)

  • I find that quote about service packs hilarious. Not least because a lot of reviewers of Vista seem to be talking about the fabled service pack 1 that will get businesses to upgrade in droves. Then again, they group it in with Longhorn Server, and we know that products with the name Longhorn are as mythical as the Macalope him/her/itself

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